It’s been a while since the last BIM bollocks update. Our many avid readers were worried that we had gone the way of pro-democracy Hong Kong newspapers, and folded. Well, I’m here to reassure our many supporters, detractors, tractors and other farm machinery, that both BIM Weasel and BIM Ninja are still very much alive. Does this mean that there haven’t been any BIM bollocks dropped at all? Does the Pope shit in the woods? Are bears Catholic? What do you think? Of course there has been a regular “plop, plop” of gonads landing on the floor, but there hasn’t been time to sit down and write about it. Sometimes life gets in the way. Oh, and also BIM Weasel forgot his password. What a gibbon!

So what has been the biggest sauce of bollocks since the last post? Frikkin’ MEP, that’s what. Why so down on what the MEP lot does wrong? Well, what they get right would be a start. I refer to exhibit 1 (below), on the reverse of which is the extensive list of things that MEP teams on BIM projects do correctly. BTW, the other side is blank…

Cover page of the “MEP, We Do BIM Right Manual v9”

I’ll give you an example. I have a major project currently on site, and a fair sized portion of that project has buildings with MEP models that are absolutely hopelessly out of date. Really, like as in not even in the building they are supposed to be in kind of out of date, because the building position was moved about 6 months ago. So when Super-Whizzy-BIM-Manager-BIM-Weasel asked the team for a target date to resolve said already months out of date model, what do you suppose the response was? We’ll get right on it? I appreciate how this may interfere with the complex process of coordinating different stakeholders with often contrary agendas? No. Instead the answer was “next year”. Next year? But it’s only July…

If I, as BIM Lord supremo that I am, turned around to any of my clients and told them that the fucking massive hole in the middle of their project that is currently on site would not be resolved until NEXT YEAR, when it’s only half way through the year, I would expect to be shown the door. But somehow the MEP team can say shit like that and the entire meeting room just nods and moves on to the next item. WHAT THE LIQUIDATED AND ASCERTAINED FUCK? How is that acceptable? Meanwhile, the BIM consultant gets asked to turn it up to eleven in order to coordinate the uncoordinatable. Two words: piss flaps.


I would also like to take a moment to congratulate fellow Briton, and fellow billionaire, Sir Riskhard Branston on his recent successful “really-really-high-in-the-sky-plane-thing” that he did. Bravo! It took several painful operations to get him back looking more like his normal self afterwards; the lack of gravity and exposure to cosmic rays really did a number on the geriatric entrepreneur’s DNA, so when he landed he shockingly looked like the image on the right. He’s fine now though, apparently.

IDK, I’ve never even met him.

Sir Riskhard Branston, before and after his 1 minute 10 second exposure to space

By Bim Weasel

Born in 1900, in a block of cheese, Bim Weasel has had to struggle from day one. After eating his way out, bursting forth, like some kind of pasteurised Alien alternative, he began trading nuts and seeds before moving on to complex financial derivatives. After making his first million at the tender age of 13 and three quarters, he diversified into commodities. The outbreak of the First World War saw his fortunes rise yet further, as now the owner of copper, bauxite and iron mines in Papua New Guinea and Australia, and rubber plantations in the Dutch East Indies, his holdings shot up in value. The next decade saw Bim spend his fortune on women and fast cars, whilst the rest he just wasted. By the outbreak of World War Two, Bim was destitute and living as a tinker and shoe repairer in a coastal village in Sulawesi. Despite not being a Dutch national, his love of the colour orange saw him interned by Japanese Imperial forces. He was sentenced to execution and only saved at the last minute by a young Jedi. In gratitude Bim joined the Rebel Alliance and saw action on the forest moon of Endor, frozen Hoth and arid Tatooine. Upon his return to earth, with laurels upon his brow and feted as a war hero, he wanted nothing more than to return to nature and work the land; a simple agrarian lifestyle, far away from conflict. He kept a low profile and slipped from the public consciousness, his past largely forgotten and his true identity unknown to those few mortals who met him on his occasional forays into urban areas in search of cheap thrills and rice flour. He may have remained forgotten and unknown, wandering Southeast Asia as a vagabond, had he not overheard a conversation in a bar one night whilst on one of his jaunts into civilisation. A pair of businessmen were talking in hushed tones about a new disruptive force, sweeping all before it and trampling all over norms and customs the world over. No, this was not a US presidential candidate, but an American software developer called Autodesk, and in particular a product called Revit. Intrigued, Bim sought knowledge and found a ready source of pudgy, pallid and poorly dressed men from the damp isles of Britain; a cold and windswept outpost on the extreme fringes of Northern Europe. A destination even the all-conquering Roman legions decided to abandon due to its inhospitable climate, arcane traditions and warm beer. However, it turned out that living in fog and drizzle for three hundred days of the year also accelerated creativity and the ability to generate a seemingly endless number of Microsoft PowerPoint slideshows, as well as memes. Bim immediately felt comfortable in this land of sunlight starved and sexually repressed Gollums, and within a short time he had established himself as a purveyor of some of the finest slideshows, Yammer posts and memes. Bim travelled the world, expounding eager audiences with tales of 15-20% efficiency gains, whilst providing little or no hard evidence. It was like a dream come true for Bim, having felt that he had discovered his true calling! The rise of Bim has since been vertiginous, with almost all nations, states, principalities and fiefdoms seeing the benefits Bim brought, but with one stubborn exception; Hong Kong. Seeing it as almost his divine duty, Bim took it upon himself to conquer that semi-submerged volcanic caldera in the South China Sea. He has been there ever since. Hong Kong still stubbornly refuses to accept Bim, yet still he persists. Now entering the third decade of his second century of existence, he feels sufficiently knowledgeable to be able to pass on some of his experiences, here in this blog. Read on, brave adventurer!

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.